Two years ago my brother joined army and I was rather sad because he wasn't there to play , bully(sometimes) and help me with my work !
In my sadness I didn't realize that a month had passed . So, one day I came back from school ,my dad asked me to sit beside him and asked me a question," Would you mind if we move to Singapore ,where your brother lives ?" . I was so happy I jumped in joy & screamed "Yes I do !" . So, a month later I was ready to come to Singapore ! While I was on the flight I looked out of the window and , I could see a tiny city disappearing from the land under .I did miss Boston , but I wanted to see a new part of the world ! In around 20h I arrived in Singapore. In excitement I just forgot about my brother ! After a while my excitement calmed down and best of all I remembered and gave my brother a hug !
Around 160 words .
Some Errors (please edit)-
ReplyDelete"joined" and not joint (line1)
"In" not "I"(line3)
comma (,) missing after the word "question"(line5)
"I could see a tiny city disappearing (from) the land under." - which tiny city are you referring to, you may want to include that in your writing. (line8)
Make sure you write your punctuations properly - i.e. sentence. next sentence.
Caps for the first letter of the first word inside your dialogs " ". - If you are unsure of this, pick up a paperback novel or book at the library and see how its done.
General Comments:
I am sure this has been a very memorable experience for you, but it would be nice if you could include a note of where you were travelling from at that time. Thanks for sharing!